By Alba Piedra BSc, Psyc, MA.
We often hear the word suicide or have experienced it closely with someone that we loved or knew. It is almost shocking for those who have experienced it. It can be unbelievable and perhaps you wish you could have done something to prevent it. Lots of questions, grief, anger and sadness might overtake the reality of suicide. I want to let you know that you were not responsible for the person who is gone. The best you can do to help the situation is to bring awareness, help others and heal yourself.
According to the World Health Organization Report (2019), one in every 100 deaths was the result of suicide. In total, 703,000 people have died by suicide worldwide every year. These results were mostly reflected in people who were suffering from depression. In addition, the report shows higher rates of men committing suicide than women. And it is more prevalent between ages 15- to 29-year-olds. Furthermore, it was stated that suicide is one of the four leading causes of mortality.
Suicide can be described as a silent pandemic that has increased lately. It is spreading fast around young people in the form of challenges portrayed in social media, suffering cyberbullying, not having support or struggling alone. During my time as a psychotherapist, I have supported young people aged 12 to adulthood who had suicidal ideation or had an intention. Furthermore, I have also given support to students in educational institutions who have been affected by the sudden loss of a student. In all those situations, I became aware of the importance of bringing awareness to society, speaking up if you are struggling, getting the right support and preventing it from happening. And if you are a parent, being attentive to your children’s feelings, needs and behaviours is paramount.
Sign and prevention:
- Use of language
One word could be the sign and yet as a society, we have failed to take it seriously, to be more aware of others’ emotional states or their use of language that is related to suicide. Similarly, society has misused some of the wording, sometimes as jokes. For instance: the phrase “I’d rather die” often is understood as a joke/metaphor. This can make us confused when it comes to detecting suicide ideation early or helping a person who is planning to take their life. For the individual who has said this phrase is a serious situation that can change anytime for themselves and their families.
We need to question ourselves, is the child or the individual saying these phrases? “I’d rather not be in this world”, and “I want to disappear” using words or metaphors for their wishes or being more explicit and talking about their suicide plan as a joke or in a serious way? Please pay attention to their use of language, how often they use it, what the context is and how they are feeling at that moment.
- Behaviour:
We all process emotions differently, some people express their feelings, while others suppress them and bottle them up. These difficult emotions can be represented in their behaviour, if the individual tends not to share their feelings, they might withdraw and want to be alone. Whilst others might want to be partying, or acting out in unhealthy habits such as drugs, alcohol, or other addictions. These behaviours can be misleading signs for the individual’s family, friends and coworkers. Therefore, it can be difficult to think that they are suffering emotionally or planning to take their life.
- Want to be listened to:
Once you have noticed their use of language and their behaviour, ask yourself: would they want to be listened to? It is very common for individuals who are about to take their life, or have tried to tell someone about it: either a posting on social media; calling someone; or writing notes/letters to their families. Listening to what they have to say is important and can prevent the individual from feeling alone. Loneliness is one of the main factors in committing suicide. If you are a parent, spending some time with the child daily, and listening to their feelings and needs could have a huge impact on their lives, do not ask or judge, simply listen.
- Mental health problems:
There are high suicide rates due to mental illness. The World Health Organization has mentioned that there is a link between suicide and depression or alcohol. There are other factors such as stress, financial problems, relationship difficulties, chronic pain and illnesses. Equally, it seems that experiences of conflict, violence, abuse, loss and isolation are associated with suicide. It was also reported that there is a high risk for individuals of the LGBTQ + community, migrants, refugees, indigenous people and prisoners.
If you are trying to help your child or loved one, please take these factors mentioned above into consideration before you make any personal judgment.
- Traumas:
Very often in my practice, I see clients who have been through serious trauma during their childhood or adulthood. These traumas if not dealt with can linger in your mind for years. Some children will not share these experiences with their parents and keep them to themselves. Therefore, it is important to get professional support if trauma is the cause of the suicidal ideation/intent.
What to avoid:
Deflecting their feelings: Listen carefully without judging or trying to advise them. When you give unnecessary advice, it can be counterproductive.
Telling them off: Remember that they are struggling already, by you telling them off, you are adding more to their distress.
Judging their emotional struggles: Commenting on why they might have that or bringing personal judgements will not help them.
Not getting support: Suicide is something that you need support with, try not to suppress it, avoid it or ignore it by thinking that it will get better. The earlier you get support the better.
References:
World Health Organization. Suicide worldwide in 2019: global health estimates. Available from: https://www.who.int/publications/i/item/9789240026643. Accessed: (26th July 2024)
Resources:
Silencie suicide: https://sossilenceofsuicide.org/
Campaign Against Living Miserably (CALM):
0800585858
Maytree Suicide Respite Centre:
02072637070maytree.org.uk
